No one else to be proud for me, except myself. So I will be :)
Did you know I went swimming yesterday and I managed to keep up (with someone who swam an aquathlon for Team GBR?!)?! I guess it’s still a part of me. I wore a one piece swimsuit, and everyone else was pretty much wearing the same thing too. I regret throwing away my old competition swimsuit, even though I don’t see myself competing again. I also tried an INT/ADV class the same day. I couldn’t keep up as well as I swam… One day I’ll get there. I wish you could see and be proud of me, especially since you kept on pushing this idea that I’m weak/not strong enough. But I also know you wouldn’t be, because I’m wearing a one piece swimsuit and dancing.
I’m finally stronger, finally able to do a push up, finally able to bicep curl more than 5kg… hopefully enough upper body strength for me to not get yelled at
but at what cost?
the cost of losing you,
and the return of finding myself
it’s a good tradeoff. but i still wish you could see AND be proud of me. i wish i wish i wish. i know it will never come true. what to do?
end the post here because my mind runs itself in circles, trying to figure out a solution, realizing my thoughts don’t go to a place i can write about or at least one that makes sense to this post. goodnight for now then.
